dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
