She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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