fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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