I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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