I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
