you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
