Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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