shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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