her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
