btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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