Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
