Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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