I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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