you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
