How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.