someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.