Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.