You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.