a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize