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So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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