how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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