we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
