Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
