what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My ass is underappreciated
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
