you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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