A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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