Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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