i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
