I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
