I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Alive.
So much puke
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
