Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
