he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so let's talk penis.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
