i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
These tits shall not be calmed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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