Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
