She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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