Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
