@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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