I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
