Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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