So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
