two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
