i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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