hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
