Did you just see the Batmobile???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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