I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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