I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
