whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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