If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
