Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
