We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
