Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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