HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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