So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
