The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
