Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
