is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
