i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
