im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is Oprah even human
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
