the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
