my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
