i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
