It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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