I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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