ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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