Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
