What a fucking waste of an outfit
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
