Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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