You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
