So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
