Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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