Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
