your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
another moral hangover. fuck.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
