I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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