Where did you get a picture of my penis
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
